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Hearing that your child has been biting, hitting, or pushing at daycare can be upsetting for any parent. Many parents immediately wonder if they have done something wrong or worry that their child may continue to behave aggressively. While these reactions are understandable, it is important to remember that these behaviours are relatively common during the toddler and preschool years.
Young children are still learning how to communicate, manage emotions, and interact with others. What may appear as aggression is often a child's way of expressing frustration, excitement, fear, or unmet needs.
Rather than focusing only on stopping the behaviour, parents and educators should work together to understand why it happened and teach children healthier ways to communicate and solve problems.
Children learn as they play. Most importantly, in play children learn how to learn.
If you’re looking for a broader guide on understanding behaviour challenges and supporting your child’s emotional development, read our complete article on how to handle daycare conflicts, where we explore common daycare conflicts and practical strategies for helping children thrive.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), young children’s social and emotional skills develop gradually, and learning to manage frustration, communicate effectively, and cooperate with others is an important part of early childhood development.
One of the most important things parents should understand is that toddlers and preschoolers are not trying to be “bad.”
These behaviours are often a normal part of child development because young children are still learning:
Children between the ages of two and five are developing rapidly, but they do not yet have the emotional maturity to manage every situation calmly.
Instead of asking, “Why is my child behaving badly?” it is often more helpful to ask, “What is my child trying to communicate?”
Understanding the cause of the behaviour is the first step toward helping your child.
Children often become frustrated when they cannot express themselves clearly.
Instead of saying,
“I’m upset because I wanted that toy,”
they may push another child.
Many toddlers understand much more than they can communicate.
When words fail, physical actions sometimes become their way of expressing emotions.
As vocabulary grows, these behaviours usually decrease.
Sharing is a learned skill.
Young children naturally see toys as something they want to explore immediately.
Learning to:
takes time and practice.
Busy daycare environments can sometimes become overwhelming.
Noise, excitement, transitions, and group activities may lead some children to react impulsively.
Creating predictable routines helps children feel more secure.
Occasionally, children discover that physical behaviour receives immediate attention from adults.
Although the behaviour is inappropriate, the child may not yet understand healthier ways to gain attention.
Positive reinforcement for appropriate behaviour is often much more effective than focusing only on unwanted actions.
At quality early learning centres, physical behaviour is treated as an opportunity to teach—not simply punish.
Experienced educators typically:
Rather than asking,
“Who is to blame?”
educators ask,
“What can this child learn from this situation?”
This approach reflects positive behaviour guidance supported by modern early childhood education.
Parents play an important role in helping children develop healthier ways to respond to challenging situations.
Hearing about an incident can be emotional.
However, reacting with anger may increase a child’s anxiety instead of encouraging learning.
Instead, approach the conversation calmly.
Ask:
These questions encourage reflection rather than fear.
Children need practical alternatives.
Teach simple phrases such as:
The more language children have, the less likely they are to rely on physical actions.
Role-playing is one of the most effective ways to teach conflict resolution.
Using dolls or stuffed animals, parents can create situations where children practice:
Children often learn these skills more easily through play than through lectures.
Research from the Harvard Center on the Developing Child explains that executive function and self-regulation skills continue developing throughout early childhood, which is why young children often need patient guidance and consistent support when learning to manage their emotions.
Helping children understand their emotions is one of the best long-term solutions.
Parents can say:
Naming emotions helps children recognize and manage their feelings before reacting physically.
Developing emotional regulation is a gradual process that requires patience, consistency, and encouragement.
Consistency between home and daycare helps children develop new habits more quickly.
Parents and educators should communicate regularly about:
If you are unsure how to begin these conversations, read our guide on talking to your child’s daycare teacher about behaviour concerns, where we explain how parents and educators can build strong partnerships that support children both at home and in the classroom.
Although every parent wants to correct unwanted behaviour, some reactions may unintentionally make the situation worse.
Avoid:
Instead, focus on teaching, guiding, and encouraging positive choices.
At Child Connect Early Learning, we believe every child deserves understanding, guidance, and encouragement.
Our educators use positive behaviour strategies that align with Montessori, Reggio Emilia, and play-based learning philosophies.
We help children:
Rather than punishing children for mistakes, we help them understand what happened and how they can make better choices in the future.
This supportive environment encourages confidence, independence, and emotional growth.
We proudly serve families throughout North Vancouver, West Vancouver, and surrounding communities by providing licensed childcare programs that prioritize every child’s social and emotional well-being.
Yes. Biting can occur during the toddler years as children learn language, emotional regulation, and social skills. Most children outgrow this behaviour with consistent guidance.
Instead of focusing on punishment, help your child understand why the behaviour happened and teach healthier ways to express emotions and solve problems.
Most physical behaviours decrease as children’s communication skills, self-control, and emotional understanding improve.
Learning that your child is biting, hitting, or pushing at daycare can be concerning, but these behaviours are often a normal part of early childhood development rather than signs of long-term aggression.
With patience, consistent guidance, and a strong partnership between parents and educators, children can learn healthier ways to communicate, regulate their emotions, and resolve conflicts peacefully.
At Child Connect Early Learning, we view challenging behaviours as opportunities for growth. By combining positive guidance, play-based learning, and respectful communication, we help children develop the confidence, empathy, and social skills they need to build strong friendships and succeed both in daycare and beyond.
