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Watching your child grow, learn, and make new friends is one of the most rewarding parts of parenthood. Daycare provides children with opportunities to explore, communicate, cooperate, and develop important social and emotional skills that prepare them for school and life. However, it is also completely normal for toddlers and preschoolers to experience disagreements, frustration, or conflicts while learning to interact with others.
Many parents become concerned the first time they hear that their child pushed another child, refused to share a toy, argued with a classmate, or became upset during playtime. These situations can feel overwhelming, but in most cases, they are a natural part of early childhood development rather than a sign of long-term behavioural problems.
Learning how to handle daycare conflicts begins with understanding why these situations happen and how parents and educators can work together to help children develop healthy communication, empathy, and problem-solving skills.
At Child Connect Early Learning, we believe that every conflict is an opportunity for learning. Through our Montessori-inspired, Reggio Emilia-inspired, and play-based learning approach, we guide children toward positive behaviour while helping them build confidence, emotional regulation, and respectful relationships with others.
The greatest gifts we can give our children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.
In this guide, you’ll learn why daycare conflicts happen, how to support your child at home, when behaviour may require additional attention, and how a strong partnership between parents and educators can help children thrive.
One of the biggest misconceptions many parents have is believing that conflict means something is wrong.
In reality, conflict is an important part of learning.
Learning how children develop emotionally and socially can help parents better understand why conflicts are a normal part of growing up. The Canadian Paediatric Society’s Caring for Kids resources provide practical, evidence-based guidance on child behaviour and healthy development.
Toddlers and preschoolers are still developing the skills they need to:
These abilities develop gradually during the early childhood years.
When children attend daycare, they spend many hours each day interacting with peers from different backgrounds, personalities, and developmental stages. It is natural that disagreements will occasionally occur.
In fact, child development experts recognize that positive guidance during conflicts helps children develop lifelong social and emotional skills.
Rather than asking, “Why is my child having conflicts?” parents may find it more helpful to ask, “What is my child learning from this experience?”
Children experience conflict for many different reasons. Understanding the most common situations helps parents respond calmly and effectively.
Some of the most frequent daycare conflicts include:
Many toddlers are still learning that toys can be shared.
You may hear comments like:
Sharing requires patience, empathy, and self-control—skills that continue developing throughout early childhood.
Children often become frustrated while waiting.
Whether it’s waiting for:
learning patience takes practice.
Educators help children understand fairness while encouraging respectful communication.
As children begin building friendships, they also experience misunderstandings.
Examples include:
These moments provide valuable opportunities for children to develop empathy and cooperation.
Young children often experience big emotions.
When they become overwhelmed, they may:
These reactions usually reflect emotional immaturity rather than intentional misbehaviour.
Occasionally, toddlers may:
These behaviours can be upsetting for parents to hear, but they are not uncommon during early childhood.
If your child has experienced biting, hitting, or pushing at daycare, understanding why these behaviours occur and how educators respond can help you support your child more effectively.
Every child develops at their own pace, and the reasons behind daycare conflicts often change as children grow. Understanding what is developmentally appropriate for toddlers and preschoolers helps parents respond with realistic expectations and supportive guidance.
Children are not intentionally trying to misbehave. Instead, they are learning how to communicate, cooperate, and manage their emotions in social situations. Recognizing these developmental differences allows parents and educators to provide age-appropriate support while encouraging positive behaviour.
Toddlers are in an exciting stage of development where they are becoming more independent while still learning how to manage their emotions. Because their language skills and emotional regulation are still developing, conflicts are common and expected.
At this age, children may:
These behaviours do not usually indicate aggression. Instead, they reflect a child’s growing need to communicate, explore independence, and understand social boundaries.
Parents can support toddlers by:
With patience and guidance, most toddlers naturally improve these skills as they mature.
Preschool children generally have stronger language skills and a better understanding of social expectations. However, they are still learning how to negotiate, compromise, and solve more complex social problems.
Common preschool conflicts include:
At this stage, educators begin encouraging children to solve simple disagreements independently before stepping in to help.
Parents can reinforce these skills by encouraging children to:
These experiences help preschoolers develop empathy, confidence, and lifelong conflict-resolution skills.
Children are not born knowing how to negotiate, compromise, or manage frustration. These are learned skills. Several developmental factors contribute to daycare conflicts.
Young children often feel emotions more intensely than adults.
They may experience:
before they have learned healthy ways to express those feelings. Helping children develop emotional regulation is one of the most important goals of quality early childhood education.
Toddlers often know what they want but cannot always express it clearly.
Instead of saying,
“Can I have a turn after you?”
they may simply grab a toy.
As children’s vocabulary grows, these behaviours typically decrease.
Between the ages of two and five, children naturally seek independence.
They want to:
Sometimes this growing independence creates conflict when children have different ideas or expectations.
The Montessori approach encourages independence while teaching children to respect others and their environment.
Empathy is not automatic.
Children gradually learn to recognize how their actions affect others.
Through guided conversations, modelling, and play-based experiences, educators help children understand:
These lessons become the foundation for healthy relationships.
Research consistently shows that positive relationships and responsive interactions support healthy brain development. The Harvard Center on the Developing Child offers research-based insights into early childhood development and the importance of supportive learning environments.
At Child Connect Early Learning, we believe children learn best through meaningful experiences.
Play is one of the most effective ways children develop:
This philosophy aligns closely with both the Montessori and Reggio Emilia approaches, which encourage children to become active participants in their own learning while building respectful relationships with others.
During cooperative play, educators gently guide children to:
Rather than simply stopping conflicts, educators help children learn from them.
Parents often ask:
“Should I be worried?”
Most daycare conflicts are temporary and age-appropriate.
Examples of typical behaviour include:
These behaviours usually improve as children mature and receive consistent guidance.
However, understanding the difference between typical developmental behaviour and ongoing concerns is important.
Later in this guide, we’ll discuss when parents should be concerned about behaviour at daycare and when additional support may be beneficial.
One of the greatest influences on children’s behaviour is the quality of the relationships they experience every day.
When children feel:
they are much more likely to develop positive behaviour and healthy friendships.
This is why quality early learning centres focus not only on academics but also on emotional well-being and social development.
At Child Connect Early Learning, every interaction is viewed as an opportunity to help children develop confidence, resilience, and kindness—skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.
Although daycare conflicts happen at school, one of the best places to teach conflict resolution is actually at home. Children learn by watching the adults around them. The way parents communicate, solve disagreements, and express emotions becomes the model children often imitate.
Instead of focusing only on correcting unwanted behaviour, parents should help children understand why a conflict happened and how they can respond differently next time.
When your child comes home after a difficult day, try to remain calm and curious instead of reacting immediately.
For example, rather than asking:
“Why did you hit another child?”
try asking:
These conversations help children develop emotional awareness and problem-solving skills instead of simply feeling punished.
Children who feel listened to are often more willing to talk openly about their experiences.
One reason toddlers struggle with conflict is that they often cannot identify their emotions.
Building emotional awareness during the preschool years supports healthy relationships and long-term well-being. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) child development resources offer helpful information about social and emotional milestones in young children.
Instead of saying, “I’m frustrated,” they may cry or push another child.
Helping children recognize emotions builds emotional regulation, one of the most important life skills developed during early childhood.
You can practice identifying emotions by using simple language such as:
Once children can recognize their feelings, they become better equipped to express themselves using words instead of actions.
Conflict provides an opportunity to teach rather than simply discipline.
When discussing a disagreement, encourage your child to think about possible solutions.
Questions such as:
encourage children to think critically and develop empathy.
Rather than solving every problem for children, educators and parents can guide them toward discovering appropriate solutions themselves.
This approach reflects both the Montessori philosophy of fostering independence and the Reggio Emilia approach of encouraging children to become active participants in their own learning.
Young children often learn best through play rather than lectures.
Pretend play provides excellent opportunities to practice:
Role-playing common daycare situations allows children to rehearse positive responses before they encounter similar situations in real life.
For example, you can pretend that two stuffed animals both want the same toy and ask your child:
“What should they do?”
This simple activity helps children build confidence in handling real-life situations.
Children benefit from consistency.
When parents and educators use similar expectations, children feel more secure and understand what behaviour is expected.
Examples of family expectations include:
Consistency between home and daycare creates a stable environment that supports positive behaviour.
Parents and educators share the same goal:
Helping children grow into confident, respectful, and emotionally healthy individuals.
Open communication is one of the most effective ways to resolve behaviour concerns before they become larger problems.
Rather than viewing educators as critics, consider them valuable partners who spend many hours observing your child’s development in social settings.
If you would like practical advice on talking to your child’s daycare teacher about behaviour concerns, we’ve created a detailed guide that explains how parents and educators can work together to support children’s development.
Instead of asking only,
“Did my child behave today?”
consider asking more meaningful questions.
For example:
These conversations create a stronger partnership between families and educators.
Hearing that your child had a disagreement at daycare can be emotional.
However, it is important to gather information before making assumptions.
Remember:
Children are still learning.
One incident rarely tells the whole story.
Ask questions respectfully and work together with educators to understand:
Maintaining respectful communication builds trust and helps everyone focus on supporting the child rather than assigning blame.
Conflict resolution is not something children naturally know how to do.
Like reading or counting, it is a skill that develops through practice.
Parents and educators can help children learn to:
Instead of:
children can learn phrases like:
Teaching these simple phrases gives children practical alternatives to physical behaviour.
Empathy develops gradually during the preschool years.
Parents can encourage empathy by asking questions such as:
These conversations help children recognize that their actions affect others.
Parents naturally notice problems.
However, children also need recognition for positive choices.
Praise behaviours such as:
Positive reinforcement encourages children to repeat those behaviours.
Strong social skills reduce many common daycare conflicts.
Children who learn to:
often develop stronger friendships and greater confidence.
If you’d like more ideas for helping children build social skills and teaching conflict resolution through everyday activities, explore our dedicated guide on this important topic.
Through play-based learning, children naturally practice:
These experiences prepare children not only for kindergarten but for lifelong relationships.
At Child Connect Early Learning, we believe children respond best to positive guidance rather than punishment.
Instead of focusing only on correcting unwanted behaviour, our educators help children understand:
This respectful approach aligns with both Montessori and Reggio Emilia philosophies, where educators guide rather than control learning experiences.
Children are encouraged to think independently while developing responsibility for their actions.
Successful conflict resolution depends on a strong partnership between parents and educators.
Consistency between home and daycare creates a secure environment where children can confidently practice new skills.
Parents may also benefit from asking thoughtful questions to ask your daycare about behaviour management policies, including how educators handle disagreements, encourage positive behaviour, and communicate with families about behavioural concerns.
When everyone works together, children receive consistent guidance that supports healthy emotional, social, and behavioural development.
While occasional disagreements are a normal part of childhood, there are times when persistent or intense behaviours may require additional attention.
It is important to remember that every child develops at their own pace. A single incident rarely indicates a serious problem. However, patterns of behaviour that continue over time may benefit from further observation and support.
Parents should consider speaking with their child’s educator if they notice behaviours such as:
These situations do not necessarily mean something is wrong. Instead, they may indicate that a child needs additional guidance, consistency, or support.
If you would like to learn more about identifying these situations, read our guide on when parents should be concerned about behaviour at daycare, where we discuss common warning signs, developmental expectations, and when professional support may be helpful.
Comparing children can create unnecessary worry.
Some toddlers naturally:
Others may need additional time to develop the same skills.
Many factors influence behaviour, including:
Progress should be measured against your child’s own growth rather than against other children.
Patience, consistency, and encouragement are often the most effective tools parents can provide.
Children who constantly hear messages such as:
may begin to see themselves as “the problem.”
Instead, educators and parents should focus on teaching rather than labeling.
Try replacing criticism with encouragement.
Instead of:
“You were naughty.”
say:
“Let’s think about what happened and how we can make a better choice next time.”
Children learn more effectively when they feel safe, respected, and supported.
At Child Connect Early Learning, we believe behaviour is a form of communication.
When children experience conflict, our educators look beyond the behaviour itself and ask:
Rather than relying on punishment, we guide children through positive behaviour strategies that promote learning and self-confidence.
Our educators focus on:
By creating a safe and predictable environment, children learn to manage emotions, build friendships, and resolve conflicts with confidence.
The Montessori philosophy encourages children to become independent, respectful, and responsible members of their community.
Rather than solving every disagreement for children, Montessori educators guide them toward finding solutions independently whenever appropriate.
Children learn to:
This approach builds confidence while teaching lifelong interpersonal skills.
The Reggio Emilia philosophy views children as capable, curious, and competent learners.
Educators carefully observe children’s interactions and use meaningful conversations to help them reflect on their experiences.
Conflict becomes an opportunity for learning rather than punishment.
Children are encouraged to:
These experiences strengthen communication and emotional intelligence throughout early childhood.
Play-based learning remains one of the most effective ways children develop social skills.
During play, children naturally practice:
Guided play allows educators to support children while helping them practice healthy conflict resolution in real-world situations.
This combination of Montessori principles, Reggio Emilia philosophy, and play-based learning forms the foundation of Child Connect Early Learning’s approach to child development.
Our approach also aligns with the principles outlined in the British Columbia Early Learning Framework, which emphasizes relationships, play, exploration, and holistic child development.
Learning how to handle daycare conflicts does not require finding the perfect solution immediately. In most situations, a calm, thoughtful response helps children learn more effectively than reacting emotionally.
The following five steps can help parents navigate most daycare conflicts with confidence.
Hearing that your child had a difficult day can naturally trigger worry or frustration. However, reacting emotionally may cause your child to become defensive or anxious.
Instead, take a moment to listen, gather information, and remember that conflict is a normal part of child development.
Children benefit most when parents remain calm and supportive.
Avoid assuming you know exactly what happened after hearing only one version of the story.
Instead, ask open-ended questions such as:
Then speak with your child’s educator to gain a complete understanding of the situation.
Children often remember events differently than adults, so hearing multiple perspectives helps everyone work toward the best solution.
Daycare educators observe children interacting with peers every day and can provide valuable insight into behaviour patterns.
Approach conversations with curiosity rather than blame.
Together, parents and educators can discuss:
Strong communication creates a partnership that benefits the child.
Conflict resolution skills develop through practice.
At home, parents can reinforce positive behaviour by:
Children who experience consistent expectations at home and daycare often develop confidence more quickly.
Behaviour change takes time.
Rather than expecting immediate improvement, continue checking in with your child’s educator over the following days or weeks.
Celebrate progress together, even if improvements are small.
Positive reinforcement encourages children to continue developing healthy social skills.
Choosing a daycare is about much more than finding a convenient location. Parents want to know their child is cared for by educators who understand both child development and the importance of strong family partnerships.
At Child Connect Early Learning, we proudly support families in:
Our licensed early learning centre provides:
We believe every child deserves an environment where they feel respected, supported, and encouraged to grow socially, emotionally, and academically.
Every parent wants the best for their child. However, some common reactions may unintentionally make conflicts more difficult to resolve.
Understanding these mistakes helps parents respond in ways that build confidence rather than fear.
It can be tempting to immediately defend your child or become upset after hearing about a conflict.
Instead, pause, gather information, and remember that children are still learning.
Responding calmly creates a more positive environment for problem-solving.
Conflicts almost always involve more than one perspective.
Rather than placing blame, encourage your child to think about:
Teaching responsibility builds stronger social skills than assigning blame.
Some parents feel uncomfortable discussing behavioural concerns.
However, avoiding these conversations can prevent problems from being addressed early.
Regular communication helps parents and educators work together to support children’s development.
Learning emotional regulation and conflict resolution takes time.
Children need repeated opportunities to:
Celebrate progress rather than expecting perfection.
Every child develops differently.
Comparing your child with classmates, siblings, or friends can create unnecessary pressure.
Instead, focus on your child’s individual growth, strengths, and progress over time.
Children thrive when they feel supported and accepted for who they are.
Toddlers are still learning how to communicate, share, and regulate their emotions. Occasional disagreements are a normal part of healthy child development.
Yes. Preschool children are developing social skills, empathy, and problem-solving abilities. Educators use these moments as learning opportunities to teach cooperation and respectful communication.
Occasional biting can occur during early childhood, especially among toddlers. Persistent biting should be discussed with your child’s educator so everyone can work together to support positive behaviour.
Approach conversations with curiosity and collaboration. Ask questions, listen carefully, and work together to create consistent strategies at home and daycare.
Model respectful communication, encourage empathy, practice role-playing, and praise positive behaviour whenever possible.
Speak with your child’s educator to understand the situation fully. Together, you can discuss supervision, classroom strategies, and ways to help your child build confidence and social skills.
If behaviour becomes persistent, significantly interferes with daily activities, or continues despite consistent guidance, discussing your concerns with your child’s healthcare provider or another qualified professional may be appropriate.
Our educators use positive guidance, respectful communication, play-based learning, Montessori principles, and Reggio Emilia-inspired practices to help children build confidence, emotional regulation, and healthy relationships.
Every child experiences conflict while learning to build friendships, communicate with others, and understand their emotions. These experiences are not setbacks—they are valuable opportunities for growth.
Knowing how to handle daycare conflicts begins with patience, understanding, and partnership. When parents and educators work together, children learn essential life skills such as empathy, cooperation, resilience, and respectful communication.
At Child Connect Early Learning, we view every challenge as an opportunity to help children become confident, compassionate, and capable learners. Through our Montessori-inspired philosophy, Reggio Emilia approach, and play-based learning environment, we support toddlers and preschoolers as they develop the social and emotional skills they need for success in daycare, school, and beyond.
If you’re looking for a licensed early learning centre in North Vancouver or West Vancouver that values positive guidance, strong parent partnerships, and whole-child development, we’d love to welcome your family.
Book a tour, meet our educators, and discover how Child Connect Early Learning helps children learn, grow, and thrive—one positive interaction at a time.
At Child Connect Early Learning, we proudly support families in:
Our licensed early learning centre provides:
We believe every child deserves an environment where they feel respected, supported, and encouraged to grow socially, emotionally, and academically.
